You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
