Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
