That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
