I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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