what day is it and did you see me today?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
