I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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