I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Just puked most of my soul out..
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