yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
