I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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