Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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