There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
