She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
