Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
