3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I want a musical about memes.
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