I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
