Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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