OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
