what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
