Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
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