This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
