now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
