I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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