actually, I'm a sock model
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
