My underwear smells like fireworks.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
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