the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Randomize
