Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
