I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
