I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
