i may or may not be watching the land before time
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Randomize
