you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
