When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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