i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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