I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
