the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
