i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
