Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
