I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
