capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
