I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
