Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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