pedialite and red bull = repair kit
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
