I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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