Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
