so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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