Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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