Someone shit on the floor
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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