I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
