just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
