In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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