I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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