thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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