All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
