we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Terrible idea I love it
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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