I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
